Sixteen people came to my feedback on Wednesday evening. One of them was Keenan, who mediated; Two of them were guests (which was Oked by the group); and four were there for part (less than half) of the two hours.
Although I very much appreciated those who stayed the whole time, I could understand why some left early. There just wasn't much 'high drama' happening. I think that Keenan and I did our best to make it a safe space for 'negative' feedback to be heard, but it seemed that those who were there just didn't have major concerns about my membership. It is my assumption that none of the six people who voted "reject" in my poll were at my feedback.
This is disappointing to me. I hope those six people will find other ways of constructively communicating to me more about what their problems and concerns are with me. I think this would be best done one-on-one, but if that format does not feel safe, I am open to (anonymous) letters, or more input done through the membership team.
Pam did approach me a week before my feedback to ask for a one-on-one meeting, since my feedback was scheduled for a time when she could not be there. Pam and I ended up having two lunches together, and although I do not believe she was one of the 'six', she did ask me some direct questions, which I believe she got satisfying answers for. I told Pam that I very much appreciated her taking the initiative to talk to me. I believe I can create that safe and constructive space for anyone who isn't trying to hurt me.
What topics were addressed in the feedback had to do with my financial situation and my mental health (my depression and my negativity around Twin Oaks).
I have been feeling good since coming back in mid-August to begin another provisional membership. I am very wary though of becoming seriously depressed again, and am on the look-out for emotional pitfalls. I am continuing to take St. John's Wort, and have almost daily strategy planning sessions with myself to arrange my environment to facilitate my being at my best. I think I am fairly good about reaching out for the help of others when it is appropriate.
I am more apt to be expressing negativity about Twin Oaks when I am depressed. I think I am getting better about being more constructive around my frustration, and not just venting, by recognizing what I can change, and what I cannot, and acting accordingly. I am trying to heed the wisdom from an article in the current Utne: "It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate; do not explicate."
Anyway, thanks Twin Oaks for inviting me back, and a special thanks to those who came to my feedback. Your being there means a lot to me. Also thanks to those who will be giving me constructive feedback in the times to come.